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It seems like these Tom Brady Super Bowls are either the greatest games ever or major blowouts. Super Bowl LV leaned closer towards the latter, unfortunately, as the Bucs ran through the Chiefs 31-9.

 

It was not by any means the bore that Super Bowl LIII was in 2019, but Brady and the Bucs wrapped this one up in the second quarter. A pair of Brady-to-Gronk touchdowns coupled with a late one from Antonio Brown might sound like a Pro Bowl boxscore from 2015, but that was in fact the difference in this one.

 

I do feel a little bad for Patrick Mahomes though. As someone without a favourite NFL team I never really care who wins the Super Bowl, but since drafting Mahomes in 2018 in my fantasy keeper league I’ve always been inclined to root for him. Three years later and I want him to succeed like I would one of my hypothetical children. 

 

It sucks that he had to go out there with a B-team offensive line in front of him whose protection ranged from ‘old screen door in summer’ to ‘FIAT 500’, on top of having an already bad defence that committed 11 penalties for 120 yards. 

 

Even his incomplete passes are impressive, kind of like how prime Vince Carter’s missed dunks were still impressive.

 

But on the other hand, the Bucs defence was just incredible. They held the Mahomes-Hill-Kelce trio to zero scores, forced Mahomes into scramble after scramble and just shredded through the Chiefs’ depleted O-line. Jason Pierre-Paul, Lavonte David, Ndamokung Suh, Devin White, Shaq Barrett, I mean the Bucs’ big boys came out aggressive and were just as instrumental on defence as Brady was on offense.

 

Brady now has seven rings and five Super Bowl MVPs, more than any other NFL franchise and player, respectively. Think about how many other superstar athletes have played their whole career with one team, only to switch for one or two blah seasons at the end of their career. MJ with the Wizards, Hakeem with the Raptors, Marty Brodeur with the Blues, think how awful all of those were. 

 

Brady, in year one, wins the Super Bowl and Super Bowl MVP at age 43! It’s not like he went to some perennial contender either, he went to a franchise that hadn’t made the playoffs since 2007 and has churned through six different head coaches over that same timespan.

 

It’s the greatest sustained peak in sports history and, according to the man himself, he ain’t done either. 

 

It certainly wasn’t the best Super Bowl ever — especially because we weren’t able to have our usual gatherings that help make these things so fun — but it’s history and that’s always a good thing to see.

 

Now for my obligatory halftime show blurb, whether you liked the performance or not (I thought it was good not great), it was really cool to see a guy from my city performing at the freaking Super Bowl not 24 hours after another guy from my city hosted SNL. So all in all, it was a good weeknd for Toronto and a good weeknd for Canada.

 

There were also, um, a lot of people at the game. 25,000 fans, 7,500 of which were vaccinated, so that makes it a little better, but it still had the most fans at a sporting event in North America since COVID-19 started. One of those 25,000 even streaked his way onto the field and caused a minor delay! Nostalgic. 

 

I still can’t believe that the first guy to raise the championship trophy is the damn owner. It’s not just the NFL, it’s every sport (except the NHL) that does this. The NHL actually gets it right by getting all the players to touch it first. That’s an easy fix that, sadly, will never happen.

 

Tampa’s finals trifecta ultimately ended with two championships and one American League pennant; not too shabby for a small-market sports city. Will the Bucs learn from the Lightning’s ‘boat party’ and think twice before throwing a parade? Probably not.

 

Oh how the streets will run with Buccaneer… is it brown? Grey? Charcoal? It’s actually pewter, apparently. The streets will run with Buccaneer pewter! It’d be appropriate for the scallywags of Tampa Bay to Jack Sparrow rope-swing from lamppost to palm tree as they pack the city in both celebration and contamination. Ah, sports.