Love Is Blind is possibly the worst show ever created

Photo credit: Zoe Archambault

Photo credit: Zoe Archambault

Love Is Blind is quite possibly the worst television show to date. The premise is absolutely idiotic and with each episode, my faith in humanity deteriorated. Alas, I watched the entire season in less than a week.

Let me lay the groundwork. Executive producers Chris Coelen, Sam Dean, Ally Simpson and Eric Detwiler created a fast-tracked blind dating reality show. Love Is Blind begins with isolation pods where the contestants, you guessed it, can’t see the other contestant they are flirting with. The contestants randomly enter the pods and talk to someone in the adjacent pod. The conversations range from family to sex to their difficult upbringings to pretty much anything else imaginable.

Once contestants are convinced they have found someone they want to marry (yes, marry), they are released and are free to meet their new spouse-to-be. After getting hitched, they are sent on a tropical vacation with the other engaged couples. From the moment of the blind engagement, the couples immediately begin planning their wedding. After the rollercoaster of finding “the one”, couples have to face the real world, they meet each other’s parents and tackle other realities like living in close quarters with one another.

The first bone I have to pick with this show is how unbelievably cheesy it is. It starts from the get-go when engagements start to pop up. I was howling when the males would get on one knee in a full suit and propose to the walls of their isolation pod. On the other side of the wall the female contestant, usually wearing a body-con dress, full faces of makeup and heels would squeal with excitement and start crying at the other side of said wall. Watching adults dress to the nines for absolutely no one to see (except the audience watching many months later), press their hands against a wall and call it an emotional connection, even love, after only a few days of talking, is pure comedy.

Did you notice how I didn’t say a male proposing to a male, or female to a female? An unfortunate downfall to this trainwreck of a show is the heteronormative narrative it sticks to. There is one contestant, Carlton Morton, who reveals he has dated men in the past, but his engagement with Diamond Jack ends promptly and in disaster. Every other couple is made up of a conventionally attractive man and woman, leaving me disappointed to see a lack of diversity in regard to sexual orientations from a show that is supposedly challenging the bounds of love. Disappointed but unfortunately not surprised by this oversight of Love Is Blind.

The contestants themselves make this show inevitably destructive. I am led to believe the criteria to be a contestant on Love Is Blind is to be unbelievably immature (dare I say incompetent) and have the emotional intelligence of a rock. These “adults” hash out their problems like toddlers on a playground and as entertaining as this is to watch unfold, it is mind-boggling that people like this exist. The most unbearable of the playpen is Amber Pike and Jessica Batten, both of whom wanted to marry the man-child Matt Barnett. The romantic sparks that flew between Barnett and these ladies led to a dumpster fire that would consume the entire show. Irrelevant to the plot of the show, but worth noting, Batten ends up letting her dog drink from her wine glass. Yes, I mean a dog lapping up red wine out of a wine glass, which Batten then drinks directly from. I love my dog, but I love my dignity a whole lot more.

The list of problems with this show is truly never-ending. Speaking of problems, Giannina and Damian’s entire relationship has to be addressed. After the engagement, the couple argues about everything under the sun, which resulted in my favourite line from the show which is Giannina screaming at Damian  “why don’t you seduce me?” in a heated argument about their sex lives. Overall this couple is hilarious to watch fight and the drama they create is unmatched by any other couple on the show.

Lastly, Mark. Oh, poor Mark. Without giving too much away, the internet is filled with memes about the show being renamed Mark Is Blind instead of Love Is Blind and I whole-heartedly agree. This 24-year-old fitness instructor is vastly confused about what love means and what a functioning relationship looks like. He is really the only one I pitied throughout the show, yet I couldn’t help but laugh at his misplaced optimism in the woman who left him to pursue Barnett, then, once rejected, crawled back to him.

I have never been so shocked at the idiocy of a show as I was with Love Is Blind. Yet, it is truly addicting to watch. Love Is Blind is in its own stand-alone category of reality television and is unlike anything I have ever seen. No matter how awful the premise is, this is definitely an irresistible show the audience can get a good laugh out of.

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