Weird shrunken pepper-heads wreak havoc at MIWSFPA

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*Disclaimer: This article is from The Brock Press’ 2018 satire publication, which followed the theme of ‘fake news’ meant to bring humour to our readers. All quotes are attributed to made up characters.

Mysterious happenings around the Marilyn I. Walker School of Fine and Performing Arts (MIWSFPA) have been ruled as an act of the supernatural. The culprit? A group of small, shrunken head-like artifacts hanging at the bottom of the pink staircase.

The half-pepper, half-meat carcass looking creatureas have been suggested as the reason for a number of strange goings-on that have occured at the downtown campus during the 2017-2018 school year. These weird and preternatural occurrences range from lights flickering to music playing without prompt, sending many students and even some faculty to question the very existence of possible forces from the beyond.

“I was sitting in the computer commons doing homework late at night after my studio class when I looked over at the elevator  it opened and closed without anyone pressing the button,” said a second year Dramatic Arts and Sociology who wishes to remain anonymous. “This never happened in first year. All these weird things started occurring after the shrunken heads showed up, and nobody knows where they came from or who put them there.”

“I had class once and the lights turned off then came back on later on,” said a fourth year Dramatic Arts major. “So if you ever see me taking chairs from the computer commons, know it’s to make a barricade against the supernatural. I’m not taking any chances when it comes to those little guys.”

At first there was only one shrunken pepper-head at the bottom of the stairwell, but they have multiplied over the two semesters.

The largest concern raised by their presence and the situations they’ve caused is whether or not they should be ejected from the premises.

“Someone needs to be brave enough to remove them from the staircase,” said the student. “Everybody’s too busy trying to devise theatre about them instead.”

Despite the looming forces of the unknown wreaking havoc on unsuspecting liberal arts students across campus, there are some that believe the little chunks should not only be left alone, but be respected and revered as well.

“The Marilyn is a place of acceptance,” said a second year Dramatic Arts student at Brock. “Should we disclude the creepy peppers just because they make lights flicker once in awhile?”

Some even believe that the presence of the carcass-peps are an integral part of the MIWSFPA and Brock experience, both aesthetically and academically.

“The pepper heads are an important piece of the MIW since they live in contrast to their surroundings,” said a third year Dramatic Arts and Classics combined major. “To go from a headache inducing, bright pink stairwell to small, shriveled peps tells the viewer everything they need to know about our school and how such a new building can already exude such a primo spooky energy.”

For now, the carcass-peps remain unaltered in the pink hallway, open for viewing by anyone brave enough to approach them. The debate remains, as do the strange technical issues that leave many flummoxed and frightened for their lives.

In addition to the warnings placed on the shrunken pep-heads, the faculty has also chiefly expressed that if you are to leave tribute for the shrunken heads to make sure that they are non-perishable as to avoid rotting food smells in the hallway.

“For the love of God, please stop leaving Burrito Boyz as a ritualistic sacrifice,” said an unnamed faculty member. “We have to work in this building and the smell is atrocious.”

They also suggest not touching the carcass-peps in case any of the supernatural phenomena should be transferable through skin contact.

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