*Disclaimer: This article is from The Brock Press’ 2018 satire publication, which followed the theme of ‘fake news’ meant to bring humour to our readers. All quotes are attributed to made up characters.
Starting in Fall 2018, Brock will begin rolling out new program-specific dress codes.. This initiative is being introduced after a visit from Albert Hanger, Minister of Clothing.
Hanger commented that the style that many of these programs were promoting on campus were simply distasteful and needed to be mandated. Hanger threatened to cut more transit if the dress code was not implemented.
The programs that will be specifically targeted for this dress code are Sport Management (SPMA), Kinesiology, English, Film Studies and Business. Starting September, SPMA students will no longer be able to wear sports team jerseys or backwards caps.
“Jersey’s aren’t meant to be worn by adults unless attending a sporting event,” David said.
SPMA students will be encouraged to trade up their old looks for more professional attire, such as button-down dress shirts.
“I personally never followed the trend. I am happy they are doing this. We are learning how to be General Managers, not how to be the next LeBron James,” said a SPMA student, who asked to remain anonymous.
Kinesiology students are also being forced to change their dressing habits. Hanger was disgusted with the amount of athletic wear he saw when he sat in on one of the Kinesiology lectures.
“Go to the gym or go to class, do not try to do both at the same time,” said Hanger.
English students are banned from wearing beanies to class. Hanger said this change was coming to remove the ‘bookworm’ stereotype from English students.
Film students are also being forced to shave as part of the new dress code. Students are being notified of this change through posters around the school that carry the slogan: “It’s beard too long since you shaved. Cut it or be cut from the program.”
Probably the most shocking dress code change applies to all students in Business programs. Suits will no longer be allowed in classes.
“Suits are for job interviews and weddings. Students have no business wearing them to class. Stop being so full of yourself and put on some sweats, will you?” Hanger commented. Many students are disgruntled by this change.
“You never know who you will meet and when you will meet them. I am just trying to look my best when I do,” explained a student in accounting.
Monica Talbrot tried to comfort students by explaining it is for the best.
“We want all students to feel welcome here. We do not want anyone to feel like they are better than anyone else. With this change, business students will find it easier to fit into the community at Brock.”
While the new dress code is mainly targeted at specific programs, it will affect all students. From September, all students will be banned from wearing hoodies on campus. Hanger believes that hoodies are only to be worn to sleep. He thinks that their presence in campus life encourages students to sleep through classes.
Freshman student Sidney McDavid of Sport Management is disgruntled with the new dress code.
“Who does this guy think he is telling me what I can and can’t wear? Have we ever seen his sense of fashion? What does he wear every day?”