Friends with benefits

Other people are annoying. They take up so much time and require a lot of effort. Wouldn’t everything be easier if you didn’t have to worry about that? What if you could just hang out with people for specific things instead of actually having to get to know them? Enter friends with benefits! What kind of benefits? Read on!

Netflix Password

Who actually has their own Netflix account? There must be someone. Find yourself a friend who actually pays for their own Netflix and borrow their password. You could even actually hang out with them and binge watch Scandal together. Combine with the benefit below and make a whole night of it. The Netflix possibilities are endless. Some etiquette regarding this benefit: it is not acceptable to change your ‘friend’s’ Netflix plan to allow for the use of more screens.  Keep using it even if you don’t talk to them anymore.

Home Cooking

Rather than cooking for yourself, get yourself a friend with cooking skills. Someone with a large collection of cookbooks is a must, and maybe a fully stocked pantry, though you shouldn’t be afraid to contribute financially to their gastro-masterpiece. Remember, you don’t have to cook it, you just have to eat it. It might be polite to talk to them over the meal. Some non-committal conversation topic suggests are sports, the weather, how much homework you have and, of course, food.


Laundry is quite possibly the worst of the chores. It is the evil that will follow all of us to our graves. It gets even worse when you have to do it in a communal laundry room or drag it on the bus to a laundromat. Make this horrible chore slightly less horrible by getting yourself a friend with laundry machines in their unit. To be clear, you’re not having someone else do your laundry for you. You’re just using their laundry machines without the need to talk to strangers, or the fear of what might have been in the washer before your delicates. You can sit on a sofa instead of a plastic lawn chair, and you never have to worry that someone is going to throw your wet clothes onto the floor. Of course, you could get your own apartment with laundry in the unit, but that sounds a lot more expensive. The “laundry” benefit is best utilized when combined with at least one other benefit on the list.

Better than Uber

One of the better benefits you could find in a ‘friend’ is rides. Get yourself a ‘friend’ who has a car and is willing to drive you places. School, work, your mom’s house in Mississauga, out on dates with other people, the possibilities are endless. Make sure you have their number, and maybe a few dollars for gas, and text that person at all hours. Be careful about long drives though, you might get to talking and actually make friends with them. Things could get weird.

Sex, I guess.

The tried and true FWB benefit is sex. Find yourself a ‘friend’ with whom you do not have to talk or date or any of that complicated people stuff and just have sex. The key to successful use of this benefit is making sure you and your ‘friend’ are on the same page and they aren’t looking to get a real relationship out of the deal. Also, make sure you disclose with your ‘friend’ if you’re also taking advantage of this benefit with other ‘friends.’ ‘Friends’ can end up sharing more than a bed, and in this case I do not mean a Netflix password.

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