One of the biggest anxieties for most undergraduate students is the challenge of finding employment post-graduation. Considering so many young people in Ontario, and North America in general, are so underemployed, here are some tips to walk you through three of the most important stages of a millennial’s professional life. While we don’t guarantee employment if you follow these rules, we’re also unable to guarantee that these tips won’t help you become CEO of a major corporation within two months of graduation.
Getting the Job – Interview Techniques:
When the interviewer tells you to “please have a seat”, it’s a trap. They’re trying to separate the sheep from the shepherds, and if you choose to sit down, you’ll blend into the other sheeple competing for the position. Choose to stand during the interview, you’ll stand out, look powerful, and get to look down on your potential employers. That’s power you can’t buy.
The most important thing to remember in an interview is branding: if you’re applying to a sales position, try to use the word “sale” as many times as possible in the interview. Repetition is key to making a good first impression.
When applying for a job, it’s not a bad thing to “bedazzle” up your resumé a little bit. How long have you used Yik Yak? Two years? Then it’s not a lie when you write you have two years of “community relations” experience.
Let’s face it, possible employers are more likely to look at your Facebook page then your resumé, but don’t fall into the trap of looking like a “boring Borris”, or a “no-fun Nancy”. So, open up your privacy settings and give the interviewers something to talk about when you leave the room. Nothing beats a scandalous profile pic to get people to take you seriously in a business environment.
If the interviewer asks you “how much office experience do you have?” I feel like the best way to answer that question would be to say: “Well, I’ve finished the British version, and right now I’m on Season eight.” To have continued watching a television show after the main character leaves… that’s dedication.
Starting your job off right:
On your first day, the most important thing is to get comfortable and familiarize yourself with the office atmosphere. You can learn the roles and responsibilities of your position when you’re dead, now is the time to try and get the office nickname you’ve always wanted. “Buzzsaw” is a great example of an appropriate nickname, because it implies you can cut through the competition and corporate red tape.
A good list of contacts will inevitably be the key to your success. Within your first week, get a hold of the e-mail directory of everyone working at the office and start finding the funniest chain e-mails you can find. And I mean funny! A dancing lobster, baby riding a cat or sneezing Panda will be the perfect way to show off that you like to party just as hard as you work.
When working at your desk or cubicle, never miss an opportunity to present the appearance that you’re doing work. Even if you’re just staring at the Desktop background of a scenic provincial park, scatter papers and files on the desk, put your elbows on the table and hold your temples. The busier you look, the less work people will give you, and the more responsibility your superiors will believe you can handle.
Leaving your job:
You’re a millennial, we get it. You’re likely going to have eight jobs and four careers, before you settle on a life path. So, that means how you leave your job is going to be an incredibly important hurdle you will inevitably have to pass.
To give your boss two weeks notice is to admit defeat. Instead, tell your boss after you’ve been gone two weeks that you’ve already started a new job. Your former boss will be impressed, and he’ll get a clear sense of who holds the power in this working relationship.