Form letters for everyday life: end-of-semester edition

THE BROCK PRESS/Brittany Brooks

THE BROCK PRESS/Brittany Brooks

Here at The Brock Press, we strive to help our readers in any way we can, whether it’s through providing information on, say, the latest student governance news or more mundane dilemmas. With that in mind, this week we present the third edition of “Form Letters for Everyday Life”, in which we offer standard fill-in-the-blank aids to streamline your more uncomfortable endeavours. Simply fill in from the options given in the blanks provided and even cut out the letter if need be to help you on the spot. Whether it’s while packing up your student house room for the summer or when you run into an old pal from high school, these letters will help you get through the unfortunately necessary discussions.

If you have a request for an upcoming edition, feel free to get in touch through email (contacts on page 3) and Twitter @TheBrockPress.

#1: Explaining damages to your landlord

To the building’s management:
As per my lease, I understand that I am fiscally responsible for the damages to this property. However, as none of them were actually my fault, I believe I am entitled to some sort of liniency. First of all, the hole in the wall by the TV was a result of _____________________ (my understandable anger in the last minutes of the Super Bowl / my mournful rage following Leonardo DiCaprio’s Oscar snubs / termites). Furthermore, the mass of mould and fungus that appears to be growing from the _________________ (old bowl of Kraft Dinner / forgotten smoothie / inexplicable wheel of cheese) under the bed isn’t my fault either, it was actually left there by __________________ (my roommate that you were unaware of / a vengeful ex-lover / termites). Likewise, the mural in the bathroom, while unsanctioned by you, is worth more than it would cost to remove it because _______________________ (I’m an up and coming artist, and on that note, can I pay the last month’s rent with art? / it is a miracle, painted by a new species of termites as a side affect of their usual infestation). Lastly, I’m fairly certain the building has a termite problem.

#2: Catching up with hometown friends

Hey ___________ (name of friend / you! [if you can’t remember their name]). How was your _______________________ (year at school / year around here while I was at school)? Cool, cool, and what ____________________ (are you planning to do with that degree / is your favourite kind of burger to flip)? All right, what _________________ (are you doing for the summer / is there to do for fun around here other than drink)? OK, we should (totally hang out later / go by the arena like old times), but I can’t now, I have to go to the beer store before it closes.

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