Here at The Brock Press, we strive to help our readers in any way we can, whether it’s through providing information on, say, the upcoming BUSU elections (check out the featured centre-fold content on pages 15-18) or with more mundane dilemmas. With that in mind, this week we present the second edition of “Form Letters for Everyday Life”, in which we offer standard fill-in-the-blank aids to streamline your more touchy, romantic endeavours. Simply fill in from the options given in the blanks provided and even cut out the letter if need be to help you on the spot. Whether it’s while standing in line at one of the campus Tim Hortons or while away on reading week, these letters will help you get through the expected small talk.
#1: Dumping a date
Dear, ________________________ (insert name of the poor sucker [theirs, not yours]). I had such a great time on ________________________ (Insert day you went out [the more details, the more sincere you’ll seem]) when we went to________________________(location date took place). It’s good to know there are still great people like you out there but frankly, I’m just________________________(Not ready to date/like super busy with school/have a lot going on, or any other generic excuse used to say that you just really are not interested in this specific person). Honestly, you deserve someone who ________________________(can appreciate you/is ready/actually wants to date you [k, maybe don’t use that last one]) but it’s just not me right now. I hope we can still be ________________________(friends/lab partners because you’re actually really awesome and smart and just because I can’t date you doesn’t mean we can’t work together [in this instance, don’t make it too obvious that you’d fail the course if they want nothing to do with you]). Warmest regards, __________________________ (insert your name, jerk).
#2: Trying to win back an ex
__________________________ (Insert name of person you’re trying to win back), I’m sorry for what happened to us, but in my defense, I didn’t know you __________________________(could see what other people ‘like’ on Instagram/see other people’s favourites on Twitter/wouldn’t want me texting my ex all the time). I’ve changed since you saw those BarStars photos from __________________________ (Moose and Goose/Pepper/Mansion House). I hope you can forgive me because you’re__________________________ (the best thing that’s ever happened to me/my world [be creative, we’re going for passion here]). Please give me another chance. I promise I won’t __________________________ (disappoint you/cheat on you/forget it’s your birthday again/). Love always, _________________________(Insert your name).
If you have a request for an upcoming edition, feel free to get in touch through email (contacts on page 3) and Twitter @TheBrockPress