The perfect gift for every major


There’s nothing I love more than the game of “guess that person’s academic major” when sitting in a crowded hallway with friends. Whatever truth an individual’s registered program can reveal about their personality and preferences, when buying a gift for someone, make sure it’s something they might actually enjoy. Here’s a guide you can use in deciphering what (and what not) to buy for your friends with different majors.

For the Marketing major:

It’s hard to wrap a premium LinkedIn membership, so instead, don’t get that social climber a gift they’ll enjoy; just have to buy them a gift and tell them why they’ll enjoy it. It’s all about timing; the second that student opens their beautifully wrapped package, sell them on why that box of scented candles is what this 20-year-old male truly needs in their life.

For the Chemistry major:

By now you’ve probably stopped sucking up to your Chemistry-major friends after realizing that they’re probably never going help you ‘break bad’. With that being said, buying them the full series of Breaking Bad might allow them to see the versatility of their degree. However, parking a tent-trailer down at the bottom of the escarpment might not be the best ‘headquarters’ for any illegal operations that might result from binge-watching the series. A little bit of science fiction wouldn’t hurt either, to ensure that they keep their craft monotonous and uninspired – Alien and Frankenstein will serve as a wonderful reminder.

For the Math major:

Nothing beats grid paper and Red Bull for that busy Math student, but that stuff’s expensive. Of course, if you want to provide relief from their hellish life of formulas and the theoretical, I would advise you buy them a body pillow. After a night ruled by the Quadratic formula, it’s always nice to be warmly embraced (whether it’s a pillow or not). An engraved graphing calculator may also pose a worthy gift, even though, ironically enough, these will one day make math specialists redundant… a very dark thought to stem from a Christmas present.

For the English major:

Everyone assumes that English majors love reading. While they may have a passion for literature, writing or poetry, that doesn’t mean they necessarily want to be slogging through tomes of historically-praised prose over the holidays. So, if you get an English major a book, they will most likely regress into a deep, dark mental state because that gift will just be another book they’re expected to read. So instead, I’d probably go for something mindless. Nothing cures the melancholy of reading Joseph Conrad like that ‘ball in a cup’ game.

For the Film major:

Whatever you do, don’t buy them a movie. If you buy them a Blu-ray, they’ll think it’s too mainstream. Buy them a DVD and they’ll wonder where all the special features are. Buy them a classic like Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange and they’ll assume you wouldn’t understand its cinematic complexities. Buy them a throw-away, ironic film like Sharknado and they’ll believe you’re genuinely ignorant. Stick to buying them movie gift cards or maybe even a pop-corn machine so they can at least be full while tearing apart animated Disney films and telling you how post-modernism is the answer to everything.

For the Classics major:

It doesn’t really matter what you get them, everything was ‘better in Greece’, so don’t even try giving anything more modern than say, a trebuchet. Maybe a can of olives or a blank vase on which they can paint?

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