Whether you spent your Fall reading week doing homework or binge-watching all the shows you’ve missed since the start of the term, it’s unlikely you used the time off to plan a clever and effective costume. Fear not, this week’s instalment of The Brocktopus has the usual eight options for you to choose from, lovingly arranged in order of laziness. Should any catch your eye, be sure to send us a photo of you in costume over one of our many social media accounts with a copy of the paper in hand (it’ll even enter you in our selfie contest).
For the extremely lazy:
(as in, you’ve never voted in a school election and/or you take the bus from the Tower to the daycare).
1. A Badger
What else? It really doesn’t get less creative than this. Be prepared to receive disappointed sighs and scoffs all night. But remember, you’re a Badger, so open your arms wide because you “don’t care” (is that an apathy joke or a meme reference?… I don’t care).
2. The Schmon Tower
It’s simple: Wear a brown cardboard box over your body, draw on a few small windows and you’re good to go. You could even go so far as draw concrete lines and add three flagpoles at the base. Bonus points for constructing it to include floors and open up like a dollhouse to show sleeping students in the library or a BUSAC meeting on the 13th floor.
3. Parallel Universe Varsity Football Team
Essentially just a football jersey and some pads, but once people get what you’re doing you can expect some amused chuckles prior to the sad reality once again setting in that, yes, we still don’t have a football team. And you’ll be the ever-present reminder of that. Nice.
4. Alphie & his Trough
For those of you unaware of our school’s namesake’s equestrian companion, Isaac Brock’s horse was named Alphie. Again, a pretty simple costume to just dress up as a horse, but you’ll get bonus points for including a trough somewhere on campus that alumni can’t seem to find for the life of them.
For the not so lazy:
(but, I mean, you’re still reading this article looking for a costume idea sooooo, you’re not exactly overflowing with work ethic, are you?)
5. The Poster Sale
Cover yourself with printouts of posters, all of which you wanted in first year, most of which you hate yourself for hanging on your residence room wall in the years afterward. Bonus points for including any of the following posters: Pearl Jam’s “Alive”, Bob Marley mosaic, or “Keep Calm and (Insert Insufferable Fad Here)”
6. A Stomped Grape
A purple garbage bag, some grape juice, a green collar and you’re set. Bonus points for either: having your friends dress as a colour coordinated team to beat you up or inserting a bag of wine into your costume and drinking from it by squeezing yourself.
7. The Brock Bullet
While the form of the costume might be a tad difficult to construct and tedious to wear over the course of a night, like the real deal, it will be instantly recognizable by anyone who’s ever visited our campus. Major bonus points for having a couple of miniature students inside the Bullet doing things they definitely shouldn’t be doing in there.
8. …The Brocktopus
This is definitely the least lazy and more amazing costume choice for any proud Badger this year, and that has nothing to do with self-promotion or this writer’s bias towards the paper. Let’s be honest, if you could actually make a costume that was halfway between Isaac Brock himself and a cephalopod mollusc, who wouldn’t be impressed?
Have your own Brock-themed costume idea? Let us know, (or send us your costumed selfie) @TheBrockPress, on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook or email it to firstname.lastname@example.org