The Brockoli: Bite-size edition

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Do you hear that?

On Sept. 18, in an art history class in Academic South 204, ambulances arrived following an incident of self-harm. The instructor and many of the students present in the class watched in horror as a girl cut off the tip of her ear, without a word, in the middle of lecture.

The VISA professor had this to say concerning the incident: “It was right in the middle of my lesson on Vincent Van Gogh. I mean, on one hand I think it’s great that she took such an interest in the subject matter – but it was a tad bit excessive.”

The girl who cut off the tip of her ear was later reached for questioning – she then set the record straight. The real reason for the act was that she just couldn’t take the squeaky chairs of the AS lecture hall any longer.

Lose a meter, make an inch

On Sept. 11, Brock University officially announced during a ceremony that the campus road currently known as Meter Road will become Flora Egerter Way.

The change was made to honour Flora Egerter who played a large role in bringing a university to Niagara. Although the announcement was made to much applause, some community members have not been as supportive.

Millie Meter (84), after whom the connecting road had previously been named, openly raged against the University’s insensitivity.

“Nobody asked me!” Meter said, “I was on my way to the McDonald’s to sit in the restaurant and not order anything – all of a sudden I realize they’ve replaced my name on the road sign.”

Meter argues that she, like Egerter, was instrumental in Brock’s foundation. She recounts her involvement: “It was August 19, 1955 as I walked by the open space where Brock is currently. I remember saying ‘Somebody should build a Wal-Mart there — and bam, nine years later they open a university.”

Construction workers actually get to work — city in amazement

On Sept. 22, driving down St. David’s Road West, which feeds into the main traffic artery of Brock — a student reportedly saw a construction worker working on the torn-up road.

Since the sighting, a full investigation has been launched to discover the reason for this work. The same student also reportedly saw five construction workers discussing how much they liked each other’s hard hats.

When asked to comment, the head of Constructors Inc. stated: “That’s not how we do things here. Working on a Monday at 1:00 in the afternoon? Not in this lifetime.”

The construction currently plans to be completed the day after Brock University’s academic year ends.

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