Why you don’t need a significant other to be a significant person

Brittany Brooks- Brock Press

Brittany Brooks- Brock Press

With Valentine’s day just around the corner, the only thing that I hear come out of my girlfriends’ mouths are things like “I do need to find a man though,” or “We can’t talk about boys because I’ll cry,” or “Where is he!?!” . What I really want to tell not only them, but every other single person out there is that you do not need a significant other to be significant –– you actually just need to find yourself.

So many people feel that they need someone to tell them they’re beautiful or compliment them on their great personality to actually feel like they are those things, but that’s ridiculous. Being open and supportive to the people that already love you, having intellectual conversations about things that matter and recognizing the true important things in life are what we should really be doing on a daily basis –– not being upset because we’re single.

I’ve been the most perpetually single person in my group of friends for the majority of my four years at Brock. In these years, I have learned and experienced that there is so much more to life than going out and finding someone to share it with. If you spend your whole life looking for someone or something to give your life meaning, you’re missing out on what’s actually happening right in front of you – you’re missing out on life.

Instead of wasting time being sad on your couch this Valentine’s day, get into the presence of the people that already care about you and are worth your time.

Valentine’s day is not about wishing for someone to buy you chocolate. Valentine’s day is about looking at the love in your life – your friends, your family; career, school, courses, outfits, hobbies, teams, thoughts, self – and the list goes on. Measure your life in the love that you reap; it’s not about the romance, it’s about the genuine, admiration and honest love. We all saw Carrie Bradshaw go through it –– the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. Who else to turn to for advice on love than Carrie Bradshaw –– fictional fashionista of, arguably, the greatest yet most annoying TV show that occupied the early to mid 2000s. Simply put, Carrie was confused, pretty much all the time. The rare moments where she was most confident, strong, and tolerable was when she wrote about something bigger than the man she was dating; something bigger than Mr. Big. Something along the lines of finding what makes your soul the most happy. No man, no boyfriend, no lover; just love. She began to explore the significance of life without the significant other.

But I mean, I still get it; I’ve had boyfriends, I’ve had flings, I’ve been way more into boys then they have been in me and the opposite as well. I even had one boyfriend leave me mid-date and our relationship status in the air, only to message me a few days later saying he had already stated seeing someone else. I know the pain that comes from wanting something that’s unattainable. I have a lot of angry and heartbroken journal entries to prove it.

Here I am now, finally dating a nice boy, a total gentleman and the ultimate good guy. He’s someone who makes my soul beam, my heart dance and my life brighter. I know – you probably think I should be saying “I’m a lovesick hypocrite.” No – I’m just letting you in on my secret; when you learn to love yourself, love can come flooding into your life.

If you take one thing away from this, it’s that what happens when you love, both yourself, other people and aspects of your life is that love finds you. Don’t force yourself to put yourself out there, and don’t sit at home crying all night either. Don’t think that you’re the only person to ever feel unwanted, alone or single. This world has been around for a long time and these feelings are not revolutionary; I think people have even written about them before… From Bradshaw, to Shakespeare. I could be wrong, though…

Because I learned to love myself, I found the one that I love today. He’s okay by himself, I’m okay by myself, but together we’re just better; better for each other, better versions of ourselves, better humans. We don’t need each other to be significant. If you really do have your life and yourself, stop falling apart because you’re alone. You need to learn to stand on your own two feet and be happy by yourself. It’s tough, but’s it’s worth the fight. You’re worth the fight.

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