Brock by the numbers: Badger stats

hat could possibly be a more efficient way of describing the shared student experiences at Brock University than the cold, hard numbers. When the interpretive experiences and personal stories end, these statistics will forever hold permanently true in describing what life was actually like at Brock in 2014.

  • 78 per cent of students still confuse the acronyms BUSU and BOGO, mistaking the Brock University Student Union for a Payless Shoes promotion
  • 65 per cent of students judge the socio-economic status of their peers based on how many times per week they visit Booster Juice
  • 51 per cent of students agree that the Arts & Life section of this paper is more absorbent than the Internal News section for cleaning up beer-pong related spills
  • 99 per cent of the e-mails students receive on their Brock e-mail addresses are reminders to change their passwords: furthermore, 100 per cent of students wait until the last possible day to do so
  • 69 per cent of students use Brocknet wireless internet exclusively for Tumblr; the other 31 per cent experienced feelings of emptiness and social exclusion
  • 87 per cent of students mistakenly believe that opening a chip bag slowly in lecture will reduce the noise it makes
  • Since the founding of “Spotted at Brock”, the number of students who hold open doors and smile while on the bus has risen 450 per cent
  • 1 per cent of students have any clue what a dean actually does on a daily basis
  • 93 per cent of first-year students have not yet discovered that the Tim Hortons at Brock has two lines
  • 98 per cent of students agree that watching a professor with a PhD struggle to play a video on YouTube is both embarrassing and sickening
  • 77 per cent of students occupy their time in lecture looking for mistakes in the professors’ slide shows in order to feel superior
  • 98 per cent of men currently registered in women’s studies classes registered solely to meet women; if this tactic doesn’t work, these 98 per cent of men will certainly become male spinsters and buy a large number of female cats
  • 80 per cent of students have marked ‘being featured by BrockU Style” on their graduation bucket list
  • 50 per cent of students will avoid walking through Mackenzie Chown this month because of election season
  • 83 per cent of students agree that whoever decided that East Academic be built across the street should be tried as a war criminal
  • 94 per cent of students will wait in line for a library elevator rather than taking the stairs, contrary to the belief that Brock students have great “walking” abilities
  • Only 15 per cent of students realize that there are two sets of doors into the library and that more than two students may not fit through at once
  • 97 per cent of text messages sent while at university are typed unaware, in the middle of the hallway
  • 100 per cent of students have had at least one nightmare of publicly falling down the stairs in Market
  • 70 per cent of students that are exhausted from midterms exclusively wear sweat-pants
  • 89 per cent of bad hair days on campus are caused by the gale force winds while waiting for a bus
  • 64 per cent of non-driving students consider a “sports” car to be anything that isn’t a city bus
  • The custodians at the Brock Campus Store spend 60 per cent of their days mopping up students’ tears after looking at textbook prices
  • 50 per cent of these statistics were “guesstimated”, the other 50 per cent were collected under the influence of white wine

For full disclosure, no one on The Brock Press team knows very much about these statistics. In fact there is a 99 per cent margin of error. That doesn’t mean very much however considering that we also don’t yet know what a ‘margin of error’ is.

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