Transit system perfected, ruins students’ passive social scene

This is the sour fruit borne of law and order; the reaped bounty of timelines and punctuality; the torturous reality of a society given what they have so long asked for. What else could come of a perfect transit system, but anarchy and despair?
Last month, the St Catharines Transit Commission (SCTC) enacted a modified transit system that had been in the works for over three years. The new schedule would use only a few more buses, but with more consistent coverage of all stops and a higher rate of on-time arrivals and departures. It was expected to improve the old system by a few percent (in terms of user-satisfaction and overall effectiveness); who could know that it would be the end of something students held so dear?
In a little less than four weeks, the new system has changed the face of transit all over the city. No more do you see people running for a bus that inexplicably left two minutes early. Gone are the days of students angrily tapping at their touch screen smart phones to call up a schedule they could’ve sworn they had memorized. Nowadays the scene, while still entirely sullen, exists for an entirely different reason.
“We don’t have anything to complain about anymore,” said Andrea Dowland, third-year Business student. “Sure, there’s the usual stuff, like the weather and 8:00 a.m. classes, but buses were just such a student thing to whine about, y’ know? I miss it.”
It would seem that while imperfect, the old bussing system provided all students with a common topic for complaint. While say, waiting for the bus, total strangers could bond over their mutual dissatisfaction with the service. When it achieved 100 per cent consumer satisfaction, the bus system created a void of common subject matter for students to whine about.
“It’s just not fair,” said first-year DART major Sean Riley. “I haven’t even been here for an entire year and we’ve already got a perfect bus system. Why don’t I get to whine and moan about it?”, he whined and moaned.
Despite what most students believe, the transit has been improving since its inception. Indeed, they’ve simply been improving so gradually over such a long time that it was inevitable for them to finally achieve perfection.
“Every now and then, I try to find something to gripe about, if only for the benefit of the person waiting with me in line at Subway, ” said Riley. “I say, ‘don’t you hate how the bus schedule is intuitive, and how their web site is consistently updated?’. But, my heart’s just not in it”.
Nor, it would seem, are the rest of the students’. Grades, sex lives and general motivation to do anything have been on the decline ever since the new system was enacted. For students so fortunate, their futures have never been so bleak. Where ever they may be headed, whether it be into a spiral of depression and mediocrity or into a new horizon of unexpected and fortuitous dissatisfaction, at least we know this: they’ll be there on time.

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