Unclassifieds – January 8, 2013

How do you submit an unclassified?
There are three ways to send in your unclassy! You can 1) tweet it to @UnclassBP, 2) post it on our Facebook page wall, or 3) for anonymous contributions, you can e-mail unclass@brockpress.com. Veteran readers take note: we no longer receive unclassified through cell texts, just the options above. Anything is welcome, so get yours in!
Remember: the Unclassifieds are entirely anonymous submitted content and do not represent the view(s) of the Brock Press or its staff. None of this content is being printed as inherently factual or “news”.
Also, due to the nature of Twitter, any tweeted unclassifieds will include your twitter username (because if people really wanted to know who tweeted it, they could just look up the @UnclassBP twitter account. Make sense?)If you would like to remain anonymous or give a dfferent signature, email unclass@brockpress.com.
That’s all, email unclass@brockpress.com if you have any questions!

Seeking Health and Wealth
Seeking part-time and full-time business partners who are passionate and enthusiastic about helping others reach their health goals. Earn financial and time freedom,while gaining optimal health. Those who come on board are subject to win a FREE iPAD. Applicants must be over the age of 18. Apply to angela.theuerle@gmail.com

Roly Poly Records & Retro
Booths 9, 10, 70, 71 in the main room of the St. Catharines Factory Outlet Flea Market
We have new & used records, CDs, DVDs, turntables, amps, speakers, vintage rock t-shirts (2 for $20),
Dr. Martens, western boots, work boots, leather & jean jackets, retro furniture and antiques, vintage home decor items, jewelry Lots of great Xmas gift ideas!
I can get new in package needles for most makes. Prices range from $22-$38. Please email. I also have record brushes, anti-static mats and bottled record cleaner. Every Sunday 9-4:30
Mention this unclassified ad and receive a discount!

“Like show some self respect.”
-Lando Calrissian
(submitted by Patch)

Dear Brock Press,
Your holiday edition was another in a long line of disappointments. Yet again, it was for YOU, not the student population. It was composed of 20 articles, not counting the briefs or unclassifieds. Of those 20, only 3 were about Brock student/group initiatives, and only 2 were about St. Catharines. Less than 1/4 THE BROCK PRESS was actually about Brock and the surrounding area. THAT’S DISGUSTING. Change your name to reflect your content, or start living up to it by actually writing about Brock students and the things that they do. Since, you know, Brock students PAY FOR YOUR FUNDING through a student levy.
-A Frustrated Student

Dude, Where’s my car And where am i?
So this New Years Eve was a little crazy for me and my friends. We had started the night with plans to go to a bar where we had VIP passes. We pre-drank at my house and headed out the door with half a 26 as a roadie for us all to consume.Unfortunately, it is at this point my story telling will lose its details because you see I was dared to chug the 26, and in the spirit of the evening I obliged. I recall nothing from that point on. I woke up in a small town, 45 minutes away from my house, my cell phone had missed 39 phone calls and I had about the same amount of text messages waiting. Turns out we arrived at the bar with three less VIP pass then we had people. So three people, including myself, had gone back to my house in search of these missing passes, the bouncers were pricks and wouldn’t let us in without them. We arrived back at my house, found the passes no problem. But by the time my friends got back to the bar with the passes I had somehow escaped, got left behind, or kidnapped. Who knows, well not me clearly. I wake up in some random taxi that is parked hap-hazardly on the side of a road, with no driver in sight, asleep in the back seat. After getting out I notice blood all over the hood and windshield of the car and start freaking out. I ran away from the scene, about 50 meters up the road I came across the corpse of a deer. Okay no problem the driver must have hit the deer, explains the blood, right? So I calm down, decide I had better go back to the car and call the police. On my way back I notice the cab licensce plate is from the states, I didn’t even think cabs could cross the border. Once the police arrive they inform me the dead deer up the road had already been part of an accident in their files, and that based on the direction the cab was facing, it wasn’t coming from the direction of the deer. They were nice enough to drive me into town to the bus station and I bused home. Still don’t know what happened and hope I’m not a subject of interest in a murder investigation.

Nunqneh!
I’m sick and tired of this newspaper. There are not enough spelling errors for me to mock and the content is too relevant for me to understand. If I wanted to know about current events at Brock I’d just stay at home and check out twitter. I’d like to see “the Broccoli” become a speperate publication. Lets have it on edible paper and print it in Klingon. That’s more like it. Qupla’!
-Nognilk, an aspiring theoretical physicist

Random New Years Resolutions:
-Figure out what that smell is thats coming from my attic.
-Learn how to speak Latin
-Learn what a New Years Resolution is
-Get in shapes, not shape. Like triangles n shit
-Viva La New Years Revolution
-Come up with a better resolution for next year
-Stop procrastinating… meh maybe next year
-Begin my plans for world domination
-Travel back in time and warn Sarah Connor of the imminent war between humans and computers
-Go fishing
-Eat my Chirstmas left-overs before they go bad
New Years Resolutions That have already failed
-Never wake up with a hangover again
-Don’t skip any class
-Don’t go to McDonalds
-Don’t press the snooze button on my alarm clock
-Don’t spend money on frivilous things
-Don’t stay up all night playing the new Halo or COD
-Create a calender/become more organized
-Work out every single day… I’M A TANK!!!!!
-Don’t miss the bus
-Don’t complain about the weather
-Don’t start conversations about the weather
-Don’t pass out in a pool of someone elses vomit, man New Years Eve was rough
-Have an unclassified thats been filled by random contributors and not me after I’ve finished the rest of my responsibilities to this paper

Dear, frustrated student
Perhaps you would like to write for us this semester then?
Sincerely, Senior Focus Editor

Share your Creative Side
Are you busting at the seams to share your writing and art with strangers? We want to publish your short stories, poetry, erotica, photography, sketches, radical zines, etc. Anonomyous, penname, or otherwise. E-mail arts@brockpress.com

The truth is out there ~
-Vic Mucciarone, Arts & Life Editor

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